I went to this appointment at complete peace as to how it would all go. The battle in my mind to stay focused on Gods plan didnt completely go away but I think that was part of the process I had to go through. I know His way is perfect and I have no desire to try and force any issue. Waiting on His timing for the arrival of this baby has actually been easy -it was just the anxiety over the unknown and the known when it came to this appointment that would come in to play as my mind wandered. Before arriving at the appt, I had actually determined in my mind that I was not going to worry about the discussion and would not even bring up the subject of the c/s myself. The level of the peace I found was evident in many ways. The drive included quiet and peaceful conversation with my husband -only bringing up the subject of the appt twice the entire way. (Most notibly him stating that he agrees that scheduling a c/s at 40w was unreasonable to him as well.) When I arrived, I didnt feel anxious or nervous and the truth that I wasnt became obvious when my BP was taken and it was the lowest it has been in months (100/70). I spent my entire waiting time in prayer -for wisdom, understanding and a clear head for myself but also for an understanding heart for my Dr as well. (Let me interject here... I have no doubts as to where my Dr stands in regards to VBAC. While he agrees they are the best option for most people, he always would bring up "warnings" that if my numbers (sugar, weight, baby heartrate/size, etc) were off, he would now allow the VBAC. At each of my last 3 appts, he commented that my numbers were perfect and he couldnt ask for them to be any better going into a VBAC. He also made it very clear when our relationship started, that he would not allow me to go postdates for any reason. At that point he had told me 41w was as long as I could have and I accepted that. -I casually mentioned last wk that I had two friends who were VBACing and were being allowed to 42w and was very sternly informed that their Dr was not wise in doing so and I would not be allowed such a luxury (what do you think of that ladies!? lol). There have been a few other issues that have come up along the way that we were able to come to an agreement on. -For ex, I did not do the 3hr GTT but have been testing/journaling my own sugars daily as a compromise. All that said, I knew without a doubt that he would not be happy with me refusing the RCS on the 12th.) Ok... back to today... My Dr walked into the room. Looked at me and made a comment about not seeing me on Halloween. He sat down, opened the chart and said, "So we are all set for the section on the 12th if I dont see you before then." So much for me not approaching the subject! I just sat there and didnt say anything. He looked at me and said something else I dont remember. I finally found my voice and said, "Actually... I am not comfortable with that." His look told me I was right about my guess as to his reaction but even then, I didnt panic. Gods grace and peace filled me even more. I wasnt shaking. I didnt cry. My voice wasnt cracking or shaky. My mind was clear and I knew all that I needed to say. If you have any idea how I usually react in such a situation (all by myself by the way), you would know Gods hand was in the whole thing. To spare the details of the next 15 minutes of discussion, I simply told him that I did not feel comfortable with a RCS at only 40w. He reminded me that I was not allowed to go post-dates and I agreed that I was fine with that but that he had told me 41w at the very beginning and one week is a long, long time in this scenairo. I told him that I wanted my trial of labor, period -even if that TOL ended in a RCS, at least then I would know that I had tried. (He didnt like that one but also didnt disagree.) We went back and forth for a while... he agreed to allow me to 41w but not one day longer. I also had to agree that if Thurs wasnt available, I had to agree to Tues or Wed -I had to be considerate of the availability of the OR and such. He also let me know that when he dictated my appt from today, that he was dictating his disapproval for going to 41w and that he informed me he was not responsible for any complications that arose during the 40-41w mark. (Though he did fall short of asking me to sign an "against medical advice" form -which I offered to do.) After that whole -very unpleasant for me and I'm sure him- conversation, he then examined me and said he re-stripped my membranes. This part of the appt has me a bit on the "sad" side as he lied to me about my dilation and makes me wonder if he really did re-strip. (I didnt feel a thing compared to last week when I was literally crawling off the table from the pain.) I happen to know that I was almost a full 4cm before the appt and he said I was still "only 2-3". When I got home after the appt, I was a full 4cm so for some reason, he held that back. I know Drs do lie about progress but had never been in the position to know when it was happening. Still... he did say (and again, I already knew) that I was almost fully thinned out and the babys head is very well engaged and low. So.... I am currently on the schedule for a RCS on 11/19. Oh, and interestingly enough, it is still my own Dr that is scheduled. I am to arrive that morning at 7:30 if I have not delivered before then. He was a bit "iffy" on his willingness to break my water first before going straight to the OR so I am not counting on that being an option. He did agree to see me again next week (40w) so that is a plus. How do I feel about that? Perfectly at peace. I know that Gods plan will come to pass. I know that I have been respectful of my Dr and his position and that I have made my request (and rights) known clearly. This baby will be born in the time and manner that God has planned and for that, I find rest and peace. I am not saying that -should I still be pregnant on the 18th- I will not fight anxiety again but I do know that Gods grace, peace and mercy is all I need to make it through even then. Thank you to everyone who was praying and will be through the coming days and weeks. We all appreciate it more than you can know! .... I wanted to mention something I found odd and interesting at the same time... I asked him if he would feel better if I did NST's that week from 40-41. HE became visibly upset and made it very clear he was NOT going that direction and that was not something I was even allowed to do. Thought that was really, really strange and will be looking in to that one!.... | 
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